Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
