WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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