A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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