real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
