why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sext me about skeletons
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
