I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
