you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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