So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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