i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
