I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
vagina is talking i cant
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
