I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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