I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
that is very illegal...i love you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
