With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
