I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
