What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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