I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
