I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize