pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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