I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
