A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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