So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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