If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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