all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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