there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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