I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
