Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
