Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She even gives head with a lisp.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
