He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
