Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
