I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
only you would photoshop your dick
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
