I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
