If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
