I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize