dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
