your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
