i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
