we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
