: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone came in the potted fern
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
