FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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