this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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