I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
