I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
