he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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