you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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