You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
