seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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