So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize