Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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