i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
