I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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