Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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