cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Panties = found
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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