btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
