why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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