You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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