she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
