So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
