watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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