My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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