My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my shit smells like andre
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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