I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
