Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
