Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
