Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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