My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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