When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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