im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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