its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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