I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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