If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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