Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
smell my finger.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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