I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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