why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
