So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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