Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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