So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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