I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
