The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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