You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
